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Faded Pink Star

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"i can feel i can feel i can feel you near me...even though you're far away" [06 May 2004|10:33pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

i missed lavenderhiccup and i'm totally bored so...

Which Legendary Actress are you?

1. who would you most like to get stuck in a elevator with: Aaron Kamin. because I know we would have the greatest conversations.

2. were you named after anyone? nobody. i love my name. my middle name is my mom's though.

3. do you wish on stars? yes. of course.

4. what is the greatest oxford born, genre-warping experimental rock group? mmm...can't really think of one i highly enjoy

5. when did you last cry? i teared up during friends tonight. but it's been awhile since i've had a good sob.

6. do you like your handwriting? some days i do. but not when i'm taking notes for class..then it's just shit.

7. what's your favorite vitamin enriched, star-shaped cereal that is a knock off of cap'n crunch in taste and is found at glen's markets? uh....ok. well my favorite cereal is peanut butter crunch...my it always cuts up my mouth. and i like golden grahams too..

8. what tv reality show would you most likely be on? America's Next Top Model!!! maybe if i lose like 100 lbs

9. what is your most embarrassing cd? oval opus...they suck cock

10. if you were another person, would your friends be friends with you and why? i hope so. i would die without them.

11. are you a daredevil? when i'm around pam.

12. have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? i'm sure i have..

13. do looks matter? somewhat, yes.

14. have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? i'm sure once upon a time i did..

15. do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? yeah. i wish.

16. do fish have feelings? wow. i picked a winner of a survey to do

17. are you trendy? absolutely not.

18. how do you release anger? smoking. listening to music. or calling amanda to rant..

19. where is your second home? 416 W. Maple

20. do you trust others easily? newcomers no...

21. what was your favorite toy as a child? my rainbow bright sprites and baby suzy

22. what class in school do you think is totally useless? um...art 101..it was useless for me anyway

23. do you like sappy love songs? UM...YEAH. LIKE WHOA

24. have you ever been on radio or television? just the local news a couple of times, and the other day when I called the Kansas City radio station..and a couple of times around here on 97.9

25. do you have a journal? yeah. the LJs and a real one that i neglect majorly.

26. do you use sarcasm a lot? oh boy..

27. have you ever been in a mosh pit? yep. they scare me!

28. what do you look for in a guy/girl? intelligence, ability to hold meaningful conversations, compassion, hopeless romantic

29. what are your nicknames? b.diddy, sass, sister bear, sis

30. would you bungee jump? why not?

31. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no.

32. what are you worried about right now? THE PLAY!!! I'm SOOOO NERVOUS!! OPENING NIGHT IS TOMORROW!!!

33. do you ever wear overalls? uh. that's a negative

34. do you think that you are strong? mentally, yes.

35. what's your favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough or vanilla

36. what's your favorite color? PINK!!!

37. what is your least favorite thing in the world? liars

38. how many wisdom teeth do you have? 4

39. are you in love with anyone? in a deeply romantic way..NO

40. how many people have a crush on you right now? probably none. i'm like the hunchback of notre dame. i seem to scare people

41. who do you miss most right now? amanda and pam

42. could you spend your life with just one person? i think so. if i found the right one

43. name of best kiss you've had? *sigh* the CFs know. and trever hunt

46. describe your future: graduate, get my masters, work in a museum, travel the world, get married and have a little audrey, a little ella and a little sullivan and live happily ever after..

2 he loves mes| he loves me not

i gotta get to the west siiiide... [28 Jan 2004|07:38pm]

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide
he loves me not

[26 Dec 2003|10:41pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

okay. not sure what to do.

after being a big drama queen about the throw down danielle and I had...things are finally okay..

..which poses the problem..

which journal do i use??

i kind of miss little old lavenderhiccup. she was my baby.

lavenderhiccup vs. fadedpinkstar

who should win?

he loves me not

[26 Dec 2003|10:39pm]
matt nathanson>jan 18 & 19>FO SHO!!!!
4 he loves mes| he loves me not

[19 Dec 2003|05:42pm]
4.0. yup. that's right.
3 he loves mes| he loves me not

could you make it on your own??? [09 Dec 2003|10:11pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

adios lavenderhiccup. this journal is no more. i remembered my password to the other one.

i'm going to severely limit who has access to my new one. if you really really want me on your buddy list let me know. cuz to be honest, there are only about 4 people I even want to allow access to it, and none of them even have LJ. and i'm sure no one really gives a damn anyway.

hope no one is offended, but it's the only way i can keep the devil out and still allow pam access :) it's all for you my love

ps. i still hate you. i will continue to hate you until the day i die.

pps. I'M DONE!!!!! maybe I'll check back to brag about my 4.0. but probably not.


3 he loves mes| he loves me not

tired of this fight...i'm losing my mind [08 Dec 2003|11:50pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

what a day.

I had my anthropology exam today... the one exam that is going to make or break my 4.0. I was up last night until about 3am studying every different fucking hominid in our human lineage and you think by today i would have some handle on them. nope. i bombed. i'm going to miss my precious 4.0 by one fucking A- i just have a feeling, because that's my luck. then again, i thought I did horrible on the last one and I got a 97. I guess we will see

the only highlight of my day was Stark. I purposely wanted to hand my exam into him today. we talked for a good 10 minutes about how wonderful a student I am, and all that jazz, he wished me luck and told me he'd offer me letters of recommendation if I needed. He said I payed him the ultimate compliment by telling him that he really challenged and pushed me to be a better student. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE. I AM IN LOVE WITH MY 38 YEAR OLD MARRIED LATIN AMERICAN PROFESSOR. If he asked me to have an affair with him I would. It's like what Hardy and I were talking about..there is just something so completely sexy about intelligence. So yeah, I was completely sad to say goodbye. I didn't want his class to be over. Fortunately there is still one class of him that I have yet to take..hahahaha.

okay, so enough about school, even though I'm nervous as hell about finding out my final grades.

I still have a stats exam that I need to study for yet tonight..suck suck suck

Tomorrow I have to be up super early to attend our volunteer brunch at the library. There is no way I can get out of it now, I have to narrarate our "readers theatre" version of "How the Grinch stole Christmas" oh boy.

autumn and i had a good talk tonight. It was nice to vent about our frustrations and what not.

so yeah, study study study and then i am free as of 4pm tomorrow!!!

he loves me not

[06 Dec 2003|10:36am]
[ mood | accomplished ]


my 7 fucking page paper for stark is DOOOOOOONE!!!!! i fucking rock. i just emailed it to stark and now i'm off to the library to study human evolution for six hours before I head to cadillac.

i absolutely love the new tc stuff. alex posted we should resist the temptation, but fuck that. if the album had been released WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN, i wouldn't have to resist temptation.

"of all the dreams i'm chasing what am I to do? when everything's against me, the answers are all wrong..i'm hoping that I find out, things will go my way"

god, did he write this song for me? of course. gaaaah. sorry if this spoils it for anyone who wants to wait. but god damn, i forgot how much i loved that band and their music and everything that went with it.

pam and i had to laugh about the title though..they sure like naming songs "things something something way" hahahah. killer.

anyway, off to the library and to get some strong ass coffee. it's going to be a long day.

he loves me not

[05 Dec 2003|11:00pm]
[ mood | sad ]


*tear* i love you

"so take my hand, don't let me surrender, maybe someday, in time things will go my way"

2 he loves mes| he loves me not

[04 Dec 2003|11:45pm]
[ mood | determined ]

i had another one of those "i love me" days.

it was great.

today was the last day of my classes for the semester and I must admit I was quite sad. I've grown quite fond of my classes and my professors. Especially Stark. I think I'll miss him the most. I had the most satisfying meeting with him today. I brought my final exam paper in..(or lack thereof), for him to look at and he just made me feel so freaking smart, which from him is incredible because I hold him in such high regards.

basically he told me I am always too hard on myself and that..get this, and I quote "you're a good writer" He also told me "you have quite the flare for writing" I was on cloud nine. Then we discussed my final grade. Basically he said this final paper would determine my grade...which it will because I have nowhere to go but down. So he told me to make it easy on him and get an A so he wouldn't have to calculate anything. Then he proceeded to tell me that there was no doubt he felt I would get an A. All of this coming from the hardest grader in the history department. I was pretty damn proud. I told him I would die happy if I got an A from him. which he laughed about. That damn Stark. such a good guy.

we also discussed my internship, which he is really pushing for. He even personally led me down to Dr. Smither, the head of the dept. and said "here is a good student, set her up with an internship" So yeah, it was so fabulous. It might end up that I intern at the Gerald R Ford museum instead of Van Andel, which would be okay too.

anyway, enough rambling about how much i love stark.

the rest of my classes were okay. I got an A on my last wrt 305 paper, which sealed my fate for the class. Since I got all A's on the paper I don't have to turn in a portfolio, which is nice. I don't have to worry about it at all...so one class down three to go.

I worked on my history final all night. I now have four pages instead of 1.75, which puts me in good shape for the weekend. Now I can go up to Cadillac and celebrate Jameson's birthday on Saturday. Jamie was so cute when I talked to her the other night. She wants me to come up there so badly so she's not the only female. I definitely have to go. Besides I miss my dad and brother.

yeah. so today was good. I'm so glad I went to college

I have to work tomorrow which really sucks. I really want to go christmas shopping.

so far i know what i'm getting my mom, pamela, and sort of amanda and my brother, i could go a couple of ways with those two.

my dad is always the problem. i also have to buy some little things for connie and rene and maybe pat and jennifer...i haven't liked those two much lately, but they are my bosses..

i probably should get something for the roommate, but I have no clue as to what.

oh well, hopefully next weekend I can do some shopping.

HARDY AND H...when is the aliasathon??? are we tentatively planning for next weekend? maybe if you guys want to we could do some shopping..just a thought!!

okay, i'm going to try and sleep, but I've had insomnia lately.

he loves me not

someday it will all be over.. [03 Dec 2003|12:12am]
[ mood | stressed ]

come on 24 writers..fucking surprise me

oh yeah, big surprise.. jack's fucked again, chapelle's still a douchebag, and WHOA shocker, Kim got herself in trouble again..

cmon, what happened to the element of surprise with this show?


2 hours. that's how much time i've spent studying fucking homo erectus and neandertals, not to mention a zillion other species of hominids. how fucking fun. and guess what's in store...another 2 more hours before I can allow myself to retire

and the paper..still not written. go fucking figure. i suck. i hate finals.

no element of surprise there either.

it doesn't even matter...the world will end when ice nine freezes the planet.


thanks for reaffirming how much i hate you.

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere?

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear

and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life

and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl

4 he loves mes| he loves me not

[30 Nov 2003|10:09pm]
[ mood | crazy ]



yet another reason for me to procrastinate on sunday nights.

but yes, after refusing to watch for the longest time because I didn't want to be a traitor to 24, i must admit that hardy and heather were on to something with that one.

like I need to watch more tv. :) but one show certainly won't hurt

3 he loves mes| he loves me not

[30 Nov 2003|06:34pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

blah. another long day is over.

i hate working at east grand rapids. i don't even know why I ever volunteer to pick up extra shifts there.

i just want to take a nap. but no. i have a fucking paper to write on latin american revolutions and 3 bazillion years worth of evolution to study.

who really needs to know the difference between all the australopithecines anyway??


i think captain bloodsnatch is going to pay me a visit. yuck


he loves me not

[27 Nov 2003|08:56pm]
[ mood | full ]

WHAT THE F!#$)#@*%@)_#@$@#!!!!!!!!

why didn't I know about this????

State Theater
2115 Woodward Ave .
W side of Woodward, S of I-75
Detroit, MI
6:30 pm
Opening for Guster

do i go? do i not?? the weekend of finals?? christ almighty...

...it would be the last time I could see him before the end of january..

but gah, that's a lot of money to spend + driving and going by myself..



he loves me not

I HATE SNOW [24 Nov 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

hahahaha.yeah.sogladi'mme. kayi'mdone.


i just found out who got the CA job at the comstock library. it's someone I used to work with at target and I about fucking pissed my pants when I read the email saying he got the job. BWHAHAHAHAH

yeah. today was the longest day of my life. I hate driving in shitty weather. and I just have a feeling that something will go wrong with my car.

oh well.

so glad that thanksgiving is going to just be my mom, brother and me. I wish my dad would come down, but whatever, i'll see him soon. at least I don't have to go to some big piece of shit family thing on either side. none of them are worth my time. hardly a conglomerate of intelligence, that's for damn sure. have to work all weekend too, which majorly sucks, but I'll be able to get ahead for once, which will be nice.

I'm super excited for christmas. My mom said she picked me up a really cool gift even though all I really want is money for the Los Angeles trip.

blah, i should get started buying gifts but I never fucking know what to get anyone.

so glad the tv will be fucked up now. i need to get the fuck out of this town

okay, must get my paper done. dec 9th cannot get here soon enough. and then.i'll almost be done.

2 he loves mes| he loves me not

[24 Nov 2003|10:39am]
[ mood | groggy ]

thanks keri! let the stealing filter down!

okay. because I'm bored and it's shitty outside so I refuse to go workout. sorry I don't know how to make the little link thing..

Name- Bethany
Age- 21
Sex- female
B’day- 29 June 1982
Nicknames- b, sass, bdiddy, 5, sister bear

Hair color- um..various shades of brown and blonde
Long/short- Long
Eye color- blue
Height- 5'9"
Do you...?
Believe in god- sometimes, i walk the line on this one. but I don't feel like discussing it
sleep w/ or w/out clothes on? on.thankyouverymuch
like to travel? oh hell yeah
sleep on your side, tummy, or back? on my back..it's the only way I can fall asleep
think you're attractive? definitely not
have a goldfish? nope
ever have the falling dream? occasionally
have stuffed animals? quite a few
Like hugs- mmmm..love them
Like kisses- yes but only from you know who. every other boy scares me
Like it when its raining- sometimes
Snowing? fuck no. like right now.
When it's sunny? Yes
Keep a diary? LJ and the one from amanda for my bday
Wear glasses- when I want to pretend to be lisa loeb
Sing in the shower? no. i'm barely awake. i'm lucky if i can concentrate on not falling
Have any peircings? 5 in each ear, one through the back of my inside ear cartilage (does that make sense), my tragus(sp?) and my belly button
Talk 2 ur pets? i don't have pets. only roo at my mom's house, but I never see him much these days


Books: the jungle, catcher in the rye, breakfast at tiffany's
Relative: does my brother count? otherwise my haley but she is only 4
College: university of wisconsin
Stores: American Eagle, Old Navy, any bookstore, Victoria's Secret
TV shows: 24, The OC, and I'm beginning to like Alias (ssshhh..don't tell hardy!)
Five girl names: Audrey, Sullivan(Sully), Ella..and i'm spent
Five boy names: Sullivan(Sully), Ruston, Jackson..and i'm spent
Male singer: Matt Nathanson
Female singer: Martina Sorbara and Lisa Loeb
Movies: Top 5=Breakfast at Tiffany's, Almost Famous, Last of the Mohicans, Say Anything, and hmmm...Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Soda: diet cherry coke
Drink in general: water
Fast Food Place: jimmy johns
What do you get there: veggie sub, no sprouts or tomato
Holiday: Halloween, Fourth of July
Sport to watch: FOOTBALL, followed by baseball
Vacation spot: Peru, Washington DC
Dream vacation spot: Ireland, LA (with my 2 girls) or England (right spew...we are soo going)
Place to shop: Old Navy
Color: duh..PINK
Magazine: Glamour, People
Pair of shoes: hmmm...speaking of, I haven't bought new ones in awile. I guess my blue target shoes (I don't care much for fashion)
Kind of car: um..that pink bug we saw this weekend. I SOO want that

Are you straight, gay, or bi?: straight
What color are the socks you’re wearing right now?: none and my feet are cold
Underwear?: uh, let me check, some purple lacy ones
Do you have any tattoos?: Nope
Do you have anything pierced besides your ears?: my belly button as mentioned above
What is your dream car?: BMW
Do you have long fingernails?: nope
Do you paint them?: never
What about your toes?: what about them? I have all 10-i paint them in the summer

What is your religious belief?: hmm.lets not take this road
What are some of your pet peeves?: BACK STABBERS, people who are shitty friends, fakeness, hypocricy, slobs, etc the list goes on for days
Do you want children in the future?: Yeah I suppose, Gibson/Lennon will need playmates and future bandmates
Do you want to get married?: of course
How many fillings/cavities do you have?: never had a cavity..well once in a baby tooth, but i lost it
Do you underwear and bras match?: most days
Are you right or left handed?: Right
What is under your bed?: too much shit. rubbermaid boxes full of clothes, etc
What posters do you have on your walls?: Audrey is in the living room, hopefully John will get on my wall soon
Have you ever broken a bone?: no
Have you ever had stitches?: twice!
What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever made out?: nothing weird..my favorite though was a hotel room in adrian, michigan ;)

What do you think about...?
Adults- i guess I am one
Love- scary, exhilirating, blah blah blah. i'm jaded
Britney spears- stupid skank.<----word keri
JLo- stupid big booty skank<----double word
Music- my religion. the only thing that gets me through some days
The environment- i try to care. hey i recycle my cans
Guys- most are assholes
Girls- catty bitches (in general)
Drinking- yes thanks
Coffee- when I'm in the mood

The opposite sex:
Wot do u look 4 in a guy/girl: eyes, sense of humor, personality
Long hair/ short hair on a guy: hmmm...wild and curly
Older or younger guys/girls: Older
Do u have a bf/gf: NO NO NO
Tall or short guys/girls: Taller than me please

last time you...
left your house: yesterday evening to get pop
slept: i woke up an hour ago
got mad: a couple of weeks ago
ate something: yesterday around 5...the cupboards are pretty bare here
showered: yesterday before I went to the store and again in about 20 minutes
went to a movie: last sunday
shaved: i shaved my legs yesterday
went to the bowling alley: uh...it's been awhile
went to the doctor? april
got grounded? never I was a good kid!

last person u...?
talked to? my roommate? or did I talke to pam after her? let's go with pam
talked to on the phone? pam last night
kissed? wouldn't you like to know
said I love you to? haha pam again! you win!
got angry with? my dad
bitched about behind their back? HAHAHAHHA. okay no.

Who do you want to marry: matt nathanson-->might be a slight problem though since he already is
Are you going to college: Yes I am!
If so, how long do you want to go for and where: GVSU...for at least another year
What would your major be: History
What is your career going to be: a flight attendant. or a museum curator
Where are you going to live: Chicago!! with my amanda. so I can help her fight off the enemy when they move down the block
How many kids do you want: 3 maybe.

wow. jawesome. that was entertaining.

must get ready for work

he loves me not

YEAH FOR WEEKENDS WITH AMANDA!! [23 Nov 2003|01:45pm]
[ mood | happy ]

"no wonder you had to pee so much!"

yeah. so happy. so much fun.

i was right though-about the mess i'd arrive to.


so christ. it only took me 12 hours to get to chicago on friday because I was stuck in traffic all afternoon. finally arrived, got the best $3.26 falafel. mmmmm.

so we finally left for madison about 4ish...only to be stuck in more traffic. only in our world does it take 3 hours to get to madison. christ.

charlotte martin was really good. but alas, i was only there for matt.

he just gets better everytime. gah. his set seemed really long compared to last week's. which made me happy. i got to hear "bent" so I was a happy girl. he almost played jesse's girl..a request from amanda and me, but we had to settle for livin' on a prayer. so yeah. fabulous fabulous stuff. and it was nice to see him in true form. not the edited version he was at calvin.

apparently Spandau Ballet is going to make a comeback in madison, wisconsin

so then we went to get food while we waited for howie's set to be over. went back, took some pics, asked him if he was headling a tour, which he confirmed yes, he would be beginning of next year. he said Ann Arbor would be his michigan stop, but then again he is full of bullshit. but i love him! "It's nice to see you too"

amanda asked him about DAAAHVEED Garza. lmfao!! yeah

the ride back to chicago was great. amanda has our LA trip all planned out.

Pam-you're in charge of getting all the info from you know who.

Amanda-is in charge of financial planning and all that jazz.

Me-I'm in charge of making this boy my boyfriend and then getting a gas card from his dad.


god i love you.

on saturday we slept in all freaking morning, got food, and then went to the FIELD MUSEUM!!! =happy me!! I love that amanda would do that with me. I've been wanting to go there forever but nobody would ever go with me. because it's not cool. we saw lions, tigers and PTERADACTYLS!!!!

fuck yeah. and sue the T.Rex-she was pretty cool too, but definitely not as good as the pteradactyls!

so then we were going to see Love Actually, but there was a 5 minute sound problem in the middle of the movie at the theater we went to, so we didn't want to pay $7...our luck it would cut out WYWG.

then the fucking boy called me. apparently he left a message on our machine at home and autumn called to tell me, but I didn't think he would call my cell. oh god, why am i such a big loser?? why did I catch amanda's boy fear?? hahahah

so yeah, saturday night we just chilled at amanda's place, playing yahtzee and ROLLED EVEN FUCKING NUMBERED YAHTZEES all night. had a burn party, watched xmen and ate ridiculous amounts of cheesy garlic bread and breaded mushrooms. how wonderful.

how many times did I fall down the stairs this weekend? i can't remember!!

SENORITAS BONITAS!! okay thanks oscar. please tell your mullet haired friend to stop staring at us. we aren't an exhibit at the zoo.

gah. i hate being home. I told amanda I couldn't come home because I don't want to have to call the boy. sheesh.

i want to start using my new live journal name, but i'm a fuckwit and forgot the password.

okay, nappy time. i have to write a paper later. so sad.

he loves me not

"if i told you that I'm sorry..would you tell me you were wrong?" [20 Nov 2003|10:26pm]
[ mood | weird ]

"And I'm surrounded you spill. All alive and brand new
And I'll forget about you long enough to forget why I need to"

crazy day.

bombed my stats test. i know fo sho. it really pisses me off too because i totally knew what I was doing I just made stupid mistakes because of the stress in my life. Class was hard to get through the rest of the day. Totally boring. Watched a really good foreign film in hst 331 called la historia oficial. great movie. dealt with the dirty wars in argentina and was so interesting. I'm actually excited for his lecture about it on tuesday. god..did i just say that. i'm a fucking dork.

then. woah. a boy asked for my phone number. yeah. i thought i misunderstood him too. ugly me. go figure. i'm not sure how i feel though because i'm not super attracted to him. he is a really cool guy but i just don't know. and to make matters worse the stupid part of my brain turned on and i feel like i made a big fool out of myself.

then at work they teased me about it. it was pretty funny though. I love my coworkers..well all except evil red. They are kind of like a second family to me. Rene made a comment that totally made me want to cry "bethany, i wish you would see yourself the way everybody else sees you" and that made me want to hug her. and it made me feel like 100% better about myself. that little rene. Julie has turned out to be really cool. ooh, and we finally got our new youth parapro, who is absolutely adorable. I love her. Her name is andrea and she is only a year or two older than me. She is such a sweetheart.

so yeah, a mediocre day overall, but better than yesterday. my mom is doing better, which makes me happy. at least pam won't kick me out of the starting over house.

less than 24 hours baby. another weekend with spew, you should all be jealous!! although we probably won't play beauty parlor or watch full house reruns it will still be kick ass seeing my matty again. he fucking rocks. i swear he made a song for every single emotion i feel. I can always find something to fit my mood.

god i adore this song.

"The days are drifting away from me. I still wake up burning through everything, it's all i know somebody save me now"

ps. i'm so glad your starfish & coffee/stayin' alive 3 hour voice mail turned out. haha. that fucking rocks

2 he loves mes| he loves me not

[19 Nov 2003|11:15pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

i just want a valium and to fall into a deep deep sleep. because honestly i give up. i'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster my life is. the constant ups and downs are getting old. my insides are empty and overflowing with dull pain. I can no longer absorb the shock from the pain my loved ones are feeling. my mother, my father, i feel like I'm taking in all of their sadness in addition to mine, and it's making me this depressed, lonely, hateful soul who finds no comfort in living. it doesn't help that i have no where to go, no one to turn to. i'm tired of getting one break in my life and having a great day and then I wake up hopeful that the next one will be the same, but instead it's just the biggest disappointment.

why can't I get by on little victories?

he loves me not

"i think it starts with a p" [17 Nov 2003|10:05pm]
[ mood | happy ]

it was a good weekend. let me tell you why.

I picked up my amanda from the airport on Friday evening and we proceded to rush home to get ready to see Matt Nathanson.

how. fucking. crazy.

first of all, no offense Hughes, I officially hate Calvin College and probably 99.9% of the population (Hughes is the .01 I do like!) seriously. The show was sooooooo crowded. The line was probably a mile or two long..no joke. Needless to say, we weren't in the front row, so we settled for the best seats up in the balcony..which were okay. So Toby Lightman comes out and does her thing, which was pretty good, she reminded me of Meika Pauley. Then it felt like forever before Matt came out.

Finally he does and starts with "angel" which was great. Matt Fish was with him, which rocked my world..what didn't rock my world...the curly haired bitch who had the audacity to ask me to scooch over just a bit. No bitch. fuck you. I'm here for matt, I'll sit my ass down before your precious fucking Howie comes on. Well I said to hell with her, and during the middle of "new coats and new hats" we raced down to the floor..almost not being let back in. So yeah, we got to be much closer and on the floor for the last few songs. Which were great, but I'm selfish and I find Matt Nathanson to be a much better performer than 99.9% of the people he opens for, so it really pisses me off that he doesn't get a full 90 minutes or whatnot. So yeah, we bolted out after that thinking he would be signing...nope, not until after howie's set...so we decided to grab some food and kill some time. We got back to calvin about 11 and only had to wait about 20 minutes before matt came out. *sigh* i just absolutely adore him. Amanda and I were sitting there and he turned to come talk to us when I waved and said hello, but some psycho ran up and distracted him for like a bazillion years, so then he keeps trying to come over to us, which was absolutely adorable, but the crowd keeps getting bigger and bigger. Finally amanda and I decide just to hop in and I FINALLY SAW THE RETURN OF SPEW...she jumped right in just like old days. So yeah, I told him about how I won his jukebox contest and whatnot and he gave me the greatest hug. Did I mention i adore him? I told him I really wanted to win first so I could get that mixed cd of stuff he is listening to. He promised me he'd try and get me a copy. "bethany..you are my jukebox queen" ahhh...wonderful.

so yeah, it was great, i was giddy all night, we then came home and got drunk and emailed people. LMFAO.

Saturday was pretty low key. We went up to Fremont to cat sit for my mom. We got there pretty early and got all of our refreshments and beverages for the evening. Played some skip-bo and scattergories then took a nap.


"It's probably just Art Garfunkel" ~spew.

LMFAO. word dude.

so then we went and got food, decided we both wanted to be like the old couple who sat at the booth next to us, because they were so damn adorable, and then came home to watch "28 days later" which scared the bejesus out of us. We finished the night with drunken skip-bo, which I will never play with cheater pants again.

Sunday we got up, headed back to GR, and took in some shopping, "Lost in Translation" and dinner at Ruby Tuesday. Quite good fun. Good movie.

of course smoked lots of cigarettes, drank lots of grapehounds, and had lots of great conversations.

I'm so glad you came to see me. i love you

so yeah, I sent her off this morning, only her flight was cancelled. I hope everything went okay, and that LA BOY wasn't too annoying..hopefully you didn't have to sit by him or my stupid old boss from Mich. Adventure and her 3 bratty children. dear lord.

Pam, the only thing missing was you and your bun. We love you. We are trying to make arrangments to come see you!!

so yeah. what is super great, is that I only have to get through 3 more days and then I will be seeing my spew again! and matt. two great weekends in a row! i'm a lucky girl!!

so back to normality until then. i'm reading the greatest audrey book ever. Audrey Hepburn: An Elegant Spirit, which is written by her son Sean. Fabulous. I cry when I read it. Don't ask why.

so yeah, busy week, working the next 3 days and lots of school work/tests. oh well. off to bed

"it's a pteradogtyl!!!"

ooh...and I forgot. the best part of the matt show!!.. when he broke into multiple enrique iglesias songs...and matt fish danced. great fun!

PS. amanda-minneapolis is only 4 hours from Madison...hmmmmm.

something to think about

he loves me not

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